Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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