Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
