the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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