She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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