ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
