Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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