No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
