This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize