Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
