well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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