The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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