Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
