Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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