He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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