1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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