I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
