I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
