my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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