You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
