I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
