I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Vodka?
Forever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
