You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize