oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
