i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
