There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
