I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I love having hate sex.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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