and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
