apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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