she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize