you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
