you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize