I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
