can we get nightvision for the apartment?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
