its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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