y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
