roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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