Your dad touched me again.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
