I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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