I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
