Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
