i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize