I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
