as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
