I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
