he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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