so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My cat gives me a boner
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
