The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
