He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
