quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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