Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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