I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
