The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
