I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize