im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
