Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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