Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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