I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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