i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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