you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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