dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
