Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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