So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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