if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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