Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
