So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
