this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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