ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
