I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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