my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
