i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
