I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
