How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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