If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
