Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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