i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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