I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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