would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My ass is underappreciated
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
